Domestic violence programming set By Lori Berkey, Contributing Writer October 15, 2004

Region -Taunting, degradation, name calling, control of partner finances and partner activities outside the home, physical threats, and outright physical and sexual assaults go on behind closed doors in communities across the country with no discrimination of economic status, educational levels, race or religion. Yet many people deny that the problem exists on their street or in their community. And many victims of abuse are too ashamed to seek help or erroneously believe the problem is their fault.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and Shrewsbury Youth and Family Services (SYFS) is out to break the silence. The nonprofit organization is sponsoring two educational programs this month to inform the community about domestic violence issues and support services.
According to Chris Biron, clinical director at SYFS, the agency is hoping to tap into Domestic Violence Awareness Month as a way to help the community grow in its understanding about domestic violence, to acknowledge that the problem does exist in the community, and to empower the residents in town. Biron said the most current statistics indicate that in the United States, a woman is beaten every 15 seconds, and in Massachusetts, a woman is killed by her abuser every 14 days. But physical manifestations of domestic abuse are just one of many forms of violence, Biron added.

Warning signs of domestic abuse
Biron identified warning signs of domestic abuse to include controlling behavior such as controlling finances or how much time a partner spends with friends. Another sign, she said, is abuse of trust, such as lying, stealing from the partner, and keeping secrets. Other signs include self-destructive behaviors such as abusing drugs or alcohol or threatening suicide, and any use of physical violence.
According to the Shrewsbury-based organization Against Domestic Violence in Shrewsbury Education Project (ADVISE), abuse is often patterned into a "cycle of violence" that includes four distinct phases of tension-building, violence, remorse and tension-building again.
A common misconception about domestic abuse, Biron said, is that it must be physical.
"It's highly important for people to understand," Biron explained, "that any behavior towards another person that is disrespectful or hurtful is to be considered in the realm of abusive behavior."
Biron has worked with people who hold that misconception.
"It is not uncommon for a client to make a statement such as 'He may not let me have friends or a social life, but at least he does not hit me. If he hit me, then I would know I was being abused,'" Biron said.
Biron stressed that abusive behavior does not just involve physical violence. She also suggested a gauge for determining if a relationship is abusive.
"The best advice I could communicate to people who may be questioning whether or not a relationship is abusive," Biron said, "is to have them ask themselves the question, 'Do I feel like a bad person when I am with my partner?' If the answer is truly 'yes,' then it's possible you are in an unhealthy and potentially abusive relationship. If a person is confused, a therapist can help to sort out what the reality of the situation [is]."

Finding help
When a person finds themselves in an abusive relationship, reaching out for help can be a frightening proposition. As social worker Carol Lambert wrote in her article, "Domestic Violence Knows No Income," in the October 2004 issue of the National Association of Social Workers Massachusetts Chapter monthly newspaper, "FOCUS," domestic abuse has a "deceptive twist," as the perpetrator is "the most unlikely person … someone from whom you would expect caring and love." And so the reality, she wrote, "gets ignored," is minimized, denied and wrought with secrecy. "It can be too painful to bear," she wrote, "too dangerous to speak, and too humiliating to tell."
And yet while it may feel to a victim of domestic violence that no one will understand or that finding relief is impossible, numerous domestic violence support resources exist that are available 24 hours a day, whenever the person is ready to make that call. Biron identified safety precautions people in domestic violence situations can take to empower themselves to safety, along with both short and long term resources.

Safety precautions
Acknowledging that getting help for abuse issues can be overwhelming when done alone, Biron encourages people in domestic violence situations to enlist the help of a supportive person and to get help as soon as possible. She identified steps people can take when they are scared, have been hurt, or feel they could potentially be hurt by their partner:
Tell a trusted person that the abuse is taking place and that help is needed.
Identify a safe place to go with a trusted family member, friend, church or other contact so that the person can continue their safety planning.
Gather and keep important papers in a safe place so that they can be retrieved quickly if need be.
A restraining order to legally order the abuser to stop the abuse, stay away from the victim's home, and not have direct or indirect contact with the victim may be obtained during work hours through the local district court and after hours through the police department and judge on call.
(See resource list with phone numbers of emergency assistance agencies, many of which can explain the restraining order qualifications, process and consequences).

Further assistance
Hotlines, help lines, counseling and outreach services, emergency shelter and other support services are available to residents of Shrewsbury and surrounding communities. Several informational programs are being offered during the month of October in observance of Domestic Violence Awareness month.

Community effort underway to address domestic violence
According to Biron, schools, churches and various social service agencies in Shrewsbury have been taking initiatives to stop violence, and SYFS spent additional time this month collaborating with ADVISE and Worcester-based Daybreak to continue the effort.
"We hope to empower the community members of Shrewsbury by providing quality education and awareness to the issue of domestic violence," she said.

Domestic violence resources
Hotlines:
Wayside Trauma Intervention Services 24-hour hotline 1-(800) 511-5070
New Hope 1-(800) 323-HOPE
Daybreak (508) 755-9030
WAVES (508) 366-8555
Elder Abuse 1-(800) 922-2275
Child Abuse 1-(800) 792-5200
Rape Crisis 1-(800) 870-5905
PAVE (for men who batter) 1-(800) 366-7732 or (508) 797-6100
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-(800) 799-SAFE

Multi-services:
Shrewsbury Youth and Family Services: (508) 845-6932 - Provides an information help-line, counseling and outreach education regarding domestic abuse and has a Violence Intervention Program aimed at preventing violence.
ADVISE: (508) 842-0056 - Collaborates with SYFS and with other agencies by providing education, intervention and support.

Shelters:
Shrewsbury Police Department (508) 845-4681 offers temporary shelter
New Hope (508) 323-HOPE
Abby's House (508) 756-5486
Daybreak (508) 755-9030

Calendar of Domestic Violence Awareness events:
A domestic violence panel discussion sponsored by SYFS will be aired on Shrewsbury's local cable access channel 33 Friday, Oct. 22 at 2:30, 5:30, 8 and 11:30 p.m. and Saturday, Oct. 23 at 10 a.m., 2 and 5 p.m. The panel presenters will include staff from Daybreak, Westborough District Court, Shrewsbury's Police Department and ADVISE.
A free domestic violence community education workshop also sponsored by SYFS will be held Wednesday, Oct. 27 at 7 p.m. at Mt. Olivet Lutheran Church, 34 Prospect St. in Shrewsbury. Lory Santoro, Daybreak's community education program director, will present. The program will provide information about the detection and prevention of domestic violence within the community, and is geared toward community members, including families, educators, counselors, doctors, child care providers, business owners and clergy. Domestic violence informational manuals will be available for $5 and child care will be available at no charge.
For more information about SYFS sponsored programs, call SYFS at (508) 845-6932.