Al-Anon, Alateen family groups provide confidential support By Lori Berkey, Contributing Writer 12/16/2005

Region - When Kathy (because of the anonymous nature of these groups, only first names are used in this article) was living with her husband, she felt like an emotional wreck - desperate, with low self-esteem, and full of self-pity and self-hate. She said she thought she caused his drinking. She said she thought if only she were a perfect wife, that his alcohol problem would be cured. She thought she could control his drinking. But she couldn't, she said. Then, at the suggestion of a therapist, she started attending Al-Anon meetings. She learned there what is referred to as the "three Cs" - that no one causes someone else's drinking, that no one can control someone else's drinking, and that no one can cure someone else of the problem. She said Al-Anon saved her life emotionally.
   Al-Anon is a self-help, anonymous fellowship of people who are affected by a family member's, a friend's or a loved one's alcoholism. It is a free program of recovery, where members can attend confidential meetings and share their experiences, strengths and hope. Many people in Al-Anon grew up with a "problem drinker," and some Al-Anon meetings are designated specifically for adult children who experienced that. Meetings are offered in Westborough, Northborough, Southborough and numerous other communities.
   Alateen is a program for teenagers affected by another's drinking - often that of a parent, a grandparent or a close friend. The Alateen fellowship is also anonymous and confidential, with groups being offered in Westborough, Worcester and other towns.
   Information about the groups, related literature, and a listing of meeting times and places is available through the office of Al-Anon and Alateen Family Groups of Massachusetts, which is located in Westborough. Some of the literature offered includes questionnaires that can help people gauge if the Al-Anon or Alateen fellowship might be helpful to them.
   Questions such as "Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?" and "Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?" are on a sheet geared toward adult children. Another sheet designed to assess if Al-Anon is appropriate for someone poses questions such as "Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?" and "Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?"
   As a way to give back to the fellowship that helped and continues to help her, Kathy now serves as the Al-Anon representative for the Westborough district. She goes to newcomer meetings and shares her story of how desperate she felt when she first came to Al-Anon and how today she is succeeding in all areas of her life.
   Kathy said many people troubled by someone else's drinking isolate themselves. She said it took her many years before she shared what she was going through with another family member.
   "Most of us feel ashamed," she said of people attending Al-Anon.
   But, she added, the fellowship helps people understand that they are not alone. She urges people to find a meeting and attend.
   "Most members that finally get to Al-anon are very desperate people," Kathy said, "looking for some sort of a common bond, someone to talk to about a very unique situation. And then they find out it's not so unique."
   Having the chance to share her story and hearing how other people handled their situations was especially helpful to Kathy, she said.
   "In Al-Anon we don't try to tell someone else what to do," she explained. "What we do is we just offer what has helped us."
   Like the Alcoholics Anonymous fellowship, Kathy added, Al-Anon uses a "12-step" model and has slogans. Sayings like "one day at a time," and "first things first" help members to stay focused on their recovery. Only first names are used. Alateen also follows those principals.
   Besides the groups, Kathy said, members are able to obtain help outside of the meetings by calling someone from a list of support people when they are having a difficult time. Calling someone, attending meetings and reading the literature, she said, is referred to as "working the program."
   For more information, call Al-Anon and Alateen Family Groups of Massachusetts at (508) 366-0556, or visit www.ma-al-anon-alateen.org.
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